Starrside: Tux!
TuxSuit82: this isn't tux
Starrside: Harry?
TuxSuit82: No

Just how many people have access to this SN anyway?

Starrside: who's this?
TuxSuit82: I'm the family dog!
TuxSuit82: woof =D
TuxSuit82: :::slaps paws against keyboard::::
Starrside: lol, very talented.
TuxSuit82: seriously she's at my feet. keepin' em warm and cozy
Starrside: what kind?
TuxSuit82: Black Labrador

Like Widgeon, I thought but didn't say. We made small chitchat about why he was gone. Relayed hilarious antics about his friends who didn't know how to ski. He made comments about Wills (Thanks for the crumbs!). Then he hit me with:

TuxSuit82: why haven't you updated?

Feeling a bit guilty I typed with a heavy hand.

Starrside: I just don't feel like it anymore
Tuxsuit82: i thought these stories were your life
Tuxsuit82: it wasn't something i said, is it?
Starrside: no. its not something you said
TuxSuit82: you havent lost your passion for writing, have you?
TuxSuit82: I'd hate to see that happen
Starrside: No, writing's still my passion
TuxSuit82: good

I knew what happened. I looked at his screenname, the familiarity of it, the comfort of it... It wasn't that I've lost interest in writing. It was just that William was no longer the center of my personal universe. Tux was.

TuxSuit82: So what would you do if Prince William visited your website?
Starrside: faint?
TuxSuit82: Seriously

I thought about this.

Starrside: I hope he doesn't
TuxSuit82: Why not?
Starrside: because some of my stories -
Starrside: I mean to tell the world "Hey, there's a posssibility that this guy's life might suck" is one thing.  It might even be a good thing. It opens them to awareness.
Starrside: But to tell the guy himself "Hey, your life suxx!". Well,  that's kind of harsh.

(pause)

TuxSuit82: And if he accidentally stumbled onto your site and read those stories? What then?
Starrside: Prove me wrong
TuxSuit82: what?
Starrside: I'd tell him to prove me wrong
Starrside: I'd tell him to live his life with so much happiness and fairytale like qualities I'd have to eat my words
TuxSuit82: I never read your stories

This was a blow in the stomach. I felt as though someone kneed me there and it took me a while to overcome the shock.

Starrside: you haven't?
TuxSuit82: not a word

I was confused.

Starrside: Then how do you know when i update and when i don't update?
Starrside: how do you know the basic plots
TuxSuit82: some girls I know read it
TuxSuit82: when you don't update they tell me to tell you
TuxSuit82: they could get pretty violent =)
TuxSuit82: they've given me summaries
TuxSuit82: I know that much

I stared at the smiley face. Did he think this was a joke to me? It wasn't. I was dead serious.

Starrside: there's more isn't there?
Starrside: Tux, how did you contact me.
TuxSuit82: I IMed you
Starrside: before you IMed me
Starrside: and why did you IM me?

He saw the change in my tone. He could feel it. I knew he could.

TuxSuit82: lets get off the topic
Starrside: No Tux. I want to know.
TuxSuit82: It was a dare.
TuxSuit82: Some guys were at my house.
TuxSuit82: and we decided to fool with some girls' minds on the net.
TuxSuit82: one of them was you
TuxSuit82: Starr? Still there?

My brain digested this information.

Starrside: so while you were insulting me. Ten guys were huddled over your shoulder laughing at me?
TuxSuit82: four
TuxSuit82: and they weren't over my shoulder. They were more like mingling around the room.
Starrside: but they knew what was going on?

(pause)

TuxSuit82: they were the ones who told me what to say to you
Starrside: monstrosities whose word was that? Theirs or yours?

There was a pause.

TuxSuit82: Mine

I was simmering. The way a pot simmers before it boils over. And if there's a cover on the pot, it explodes.

Starrside: question: Was William there?

(pause)

TuxSuit82: william was in the room. yes

I took a deep breath.

Starrside: I hate you
TuxSuit82: I know youre upset
Starrside: no. I'm not upset
Starrside: I'M OVERFLOWING WITH RAGE!!!
TuxSuit82: I'm sorry
Starrside: you made me think that you read them
Starrside: i hung on to your advice for them
Starrside: and you didn't even read one word?
TuxSuit82: seeing that they concern william
TuxSuit82: let's just say I could get hurt by them too

They were that close? I felt scorned and refused to feel any sympathy.

Starrside: and what did you say last time?
TuxSuit82: what?
Starrside: what makes you think youre so important I'd go through all that trouble to fool you.
Starrside: yes, that's what you said isn't it?
TuxSuit82: I have to go
Starrside: hold it right there Etonian!
Starrside: this time I'm going to leave first!
Starrside: this time you look at MY screenname disappear from your buddy list
Starrside: you see it disappear and wonder if I'll ever feel like talking to you again.
Starrside: british jerk!

I signed off, furious. Maybe that last remark was a bit too much but you don't think about stuff like that when you're angry. I went to bed fuming. Thinking of Tux: I passed gas in the general direction of the computer and I still didn't feel better.  I considered never speaking to him again.

Chapter Ten
Trevor handed me my drink. We met at this cheap restaurant outside the library. After bumping into each other several times around town (fate telling me something?) it  became a weekly ritual to have lunch on Thursday afternoon.
"I don't know," Trevor told me after I recapped the incident. He bit into his onion, bacon melt which looked really good at the moment. The smell was mocking me.
I poked at my chicken and rice bowl with my fork.
He took a long sip. "Say I was a vegetarian."
I looked at the cheesy mess in his right hand.
"Yeah, I know... illogical. But it'll help prove my point." He wiped his fingers on a paper napkin before attacking the sandwich again. "Say I ate meat in your presence because I want you to think I'm a normal meat loving American dude." (Oh, the accent I heard before? German. From visiting an aunt and uncle for three months.) "Would you be mad when you found out? Considering the time we met I was eating a burger?"
"We have salads." I mumbled.
"Okay... now that I think about it maybe it doesn't prove my point."
Great!
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's the past. How was he supposed to know you were going to be chatting for... eh, who knows how long. You were a stranger to him then."
He crumpled the burger wrapper and placed it on the tray.
I was still poking at my chicken.
"Friends start off as strangers. We did."
I looked up at him. He places things so simply like that. I always have to see hidden motives. Other facets. More to the story...
He leaned close to me. "You choose the people you keep."
"I guess..." I mumbled, still unsure.
He leaned back. "You have bigger problems to worry about." He pointed to the textbook I brought with me.
"Ugh, Odysseus..." I opened and began reading.
He laughed. He opened his own books and that closed that conversation.

*          *          *

I checked my e-mail. There was a e-card from him. It was a cartoon teddy with a broken plush heart and he was crying. Then there was a bubble
above the bear that said. "Can't you see I'm hurting?" The broken heart would grow big and small in imitation of a pump.
Would you like to receive a Message from TuxSuit82?
I clicked NO. I wasn't ready yet.
His name seemed to be in bold on my list. Having no point in staying on and thinking about poor Odysseus trying to get home I logged off and shut down the computer.

The next day.
I opened my comp.
I received a pic from Tux. It was of his black Lab. It actually looked as if it were pouting in front of the camera. "Dogs usually convey the characteristics of their masters" the text read.
Would you like to receive a Message from TuxSuit82?
I clicked NO.

The next day:
Would you like to receive a Message from TuxSuit82?
What the hell... I clicked YES.

TuxSuit82: wanna cyber?
Starrside: Haha!... no
TuxSuit82: ::: looks at bod::: you don't find me attractive.
TuxSuit82: :-(
Starrside: what do you want?

Pause

TuxSuit82: How are you?
Starrside: Fine

Pause

Starrside: you?
TuxSuit82: good

What now?

TuxSuit82: I guess you're busy
Starrside: I guess

Pause.

TuxSuit82: Well, see ya.
Starrside: uh-huh

He stayed on my buddy list. Every now and then my eyes would stray.

*          *          *

I clicked on the YES after reading Tux's e-mail "just hear me out".

TuxSuit82: I have a proposition for you
Starrside: Yes?
TuxSuit82: how would you like to chat with Wills?

What? I re-read the sentence five times.

Starrside: why so he can laugh at me?

No response. I thought it over.

Starrside: not this way
TuxSuit82: what way?
Starriside: you using him as a bribe?
Starrside: forget it. no
TuxSuit82: then what way
Starrside: when it's your choice
Starrside: your free will
Starrside: when you want to
Starrside: that way you won't tell me I forced you into it and throw it back in my face later

Pause

TuxSuit82: I don't know what else to do
TuxSuit82: I feel like you hate me

Did I?

Starrside: I don't hate you.
TuxSuit82: Then TALK to me

Did he think familiarity was forced?

Starrside: Just give me time ok?

Pause.

TuxSuit82: All right

His SN stayed on for two more hours before logging off.

*         *          *

"Yeah, my father worked in a blueberry farm." Trevor told me as we walked around the block. "He was also a cook for the army. He's now a business advisor. Doing pretty well actually. So don't feel bad about the burger joint."
I smiled weakly.
He laughed and took off into a jog.
I went after him.
We had doughnuts afterwards.

Starrside: What does your father do?
TuxSuit82: Do?

Pause. I guess he was surprised to hear from me. I waited.

TuxSuit82: You could say he works for the British government
Starrside: Great!
Starrside: He's either the prime minister or the mail carrier
TuxSuit82: LoL

I frowned.

Starrside: seriously what does he do?
TuxSuit82: that's classified

Ugh!

Starrside: what is he?
Starrside: James Bond?
TuxSuit82: you're absolutely right Starr.
TuxSuit82: my father is James Bond
TuxSuit82: :-)

I shook my head and changed the subject.