IM: Part 6

* * *

I looked at his screenname. Scared and unsure of what may come, I IMed him.

Starrside: Hey, good lookin'
TuxSuit82: Hello gorgeous
Starrside: =)
TuxSuit82: How've you been?
Starrside: I've been better
TuxSuit82: I'm sorry
Starrside: you have nothing to be sorry about
TuxSuit82: you feel bad. I'm sorry about that
Starrside: not your fault.

I looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath.

Starrside: its mine
Starrside: i havent been kissed...
TuxSuit82: Yeah, you told me. :-)
Starrside: and i have hormones.
Starrside: and I wanted a romance

It was getting difficult for me to type.

Starrside: any kind of romance.
Starrside: and
Starrside: i wanted it to be you
Starrside: i had this picture of the perfect guy
Starrside: and I wanted it to be you
TuxSuit82: yeah, well, i have the effect on women ::: flashes sparkly smile::::

I laughed. He could always make me laugh.

Starrside: lol
TuxSuit82: it's going to happen to you Starr
TuxSuit82: when you least expect it
Tuxsuit82: you just have to wait

Wait.

Starrside: I'm so sick of waiting.
Starrside: sure Snow White can wait for her prince to come
Starrside: he wasn't such a slowpoke!

I let some tears streak my face. I wiped them away quickly, scolding myself for crying, though it allowed me some relief.

Starrside: when i fall in love
Starrside: it's going to be in London.
TuxSuit82: why London?
Starrside: and it will be under a star filled sky
TuxSuit82: the smog will probably hide them
Starrside: and it will be around midnight
Starrside: and there'll be this guy
Starrside: this guy who'll have the British accent i adore so much
TuxSuit82: Starr Starr, hold it. Pffweet! Time out.
TuxSuit82: this isnt one of your stories
TuxSuit82: you can't plan love
TuxSuit82: you can't force it with the proper setting and mood.
TuxSuit82: it just happens
Starrside: i've been waiting for love so long the least it can do is happen when i want it to. The way I want it to. with the guy i want it to happen with

I let go now. I was crying. It didn't matter. No one was there to see it. Tux, was on the other side of the world. And everyone else in the house was asleep.
But Tux has a way of knowing what I was doing.

TuxSuit82: i suggest some tissues
Starrside: what?
TuxSuit82: or a kerchief if you have one.
Starrside: how do you know I'm crying?

(pause)

Tuxsuit82: because I know you.

I typed angrily.

Starrside: how do you expect me to fall out of love with you if you keep saying sweet things like that!

(pause)

TuxSuit82: should I go?
Starrside: ::: sniffle:::
TuxSuit82: I'll go
TuxSuit82: We're still talking, right?
Starrside: I haven't scared you off?
TuxSuit82: What?
TuxSuit82: You, scare me off?
TuxSuit82: Nah!
TuxSuit82: ;-)
TuxSuit82: Me strong like bull!

I watched him sign off. I sometimes wondered if he chatted with anyone else but me. Don't flatter yourself, Starr -- he probably puts you on ignore and then IMs like crazy to his Eton pals. One of them having the name William Windsor. I turned off the comp and continued to cry. Trevor was going to come back the next day and like hell I was going to let him see me like this!

* * *

Trevor had purchased two things at the mall. A dark brown leather bracelet that he was wearing and chocolate covered, banana flavored gummies he was saving for later. We planned on hitting the CD store next.
I watched I sat across from him in the food court. He had a whipped cream mustache from the sundae he had ordered, he wiped the cream off with the back of his hand. Two girls passed by and giggled. Trevor continued to attack his sundae with gusto. He offered me the cherry. I shook my head. I leaned my cheek on my arm. "Do you know how attractive you are?"
"What?" Trevor laughed.
"When we were shopping today, I saw eight girls looking at you."
"Maybe it's my shirt. My sister hates the green color."
Maybe it's your body. Your face, I thought. I leaned over. "See those three girls sitting behind me? They were sitting near the hotdog concession earlier. They moved closer five minutes after we arrived."
Trevor looked at me with a half doofus smile on his face. "Whatever you say, Princess." He tweaked my nose with his cold fingers.
Ugh. I hate it when he does that.
Nope. This guy totally doesn't get the power of his appeal.
Just as well. If he did, he'd be just another arrogant jerk and there'd be no hope for the world.

* * *

Starrside: is there a girl in your life, Tux?

Pause.
Really long pause.
Had he gone to use the loo or something?

Starrside: Tux? Still got your fingers?
TuxSuit82: yes there is a girl

Hmmm... I was about gently open him up when he began to type of his own merit.

TuxSuit82: her name's Christine
TuxSuit82: she's great

Ahhh...

Starrside: Is she beautiful?

Why am I torturing myself like this?

TuxSuit82: Beautiful.
TuxSuit82: Smart.
TuxSuit82: Funny.
TuxSuit82: damned gutsy.
TuxSuit82: You name it!
TuxSuit82: I LOVE this girl

How I so wanted that word to be directed at me.

Starrside: and the prince holds no charms for her?

Pause.

TuxSuit82: she has me

He began typing without any prompting on my part.

TuxSuit82: instantly brightens my day, you know?
TuxSuit82: air is more crisp
TuxSuit82: milk is tastier
TuxSuit82: the cloth on my kerchief smoother
TuxSuit82: she enhances my senses to their epitome

Though he didn't type it. I could hear this guy sigh in satisfaction.
I was wiping away a few tears. Will a guy ever talk about me like that? I didn't know what else to type. Should I tell Tux that strains of my feelings for him still existed. Deciding: no. To fill in the gap Tux plowed on with

TuxSuit82: Hey, William has a family bit later on in the month
TuxSuit82: I probably can convince him to wear a yellow tie
Starrside: lol
TuxSuit82: Watch for it!
TuxSuit82: ;-)

* * *

Two weeks later I saw a pic of William in a magazine posing with the royal family.

TuxSuit82: well? =D
Starrside: =P
Starrside: lucky guess

I was half-laughing and half-upset. Don't know where the upset part came from.

Starrside: he's blonde
Starrside: it's only natural his fashion guru would want him to wear a complementary tie
Starrside: Harry's a redhead and he wore a red tie

Pause.

TuxSuit82: ha ha

I had to smile.

* * *

"Hello?" I held the phone up to my ear and continued typing.
"It's seven pm. Do you know where your children are?"
"Don't have any kids..."
Laugh.
I sighed, saving the file and then typing again. "Hello, Trev."
"So... It's seven. Do something with me."
"I feel like going to sleep," I said. Click click click of the keys.
"Why? What happened?"
"Did three scenes of William dumping a girl," I shut off the comp. "I'm a prince... there are complications.... I don't want you to go through what I have to go through... blah blah biddy blah." Gad, what actual girl could go through such a speech? Wouldn't you rather grab him hard where it hurt and twist hard, than go through that? I sharpened my pencils trying to make the shavings long and pretty.
"Three?"
I twirled around in my swivel chair. "Yeah, mass production."
"Geez, why?"
I shrugged. "Mmmmm, was inspired I guess." They probably won't even make it to the site. If I needed a scene where the girl dumps William... find and replace here. A few changed words there.
"But how..." Trev went on. "I haven't dumped you and the only other guy who might matter..." Long pause. "Tux!"
I winced. There are a lot of things that seem fine online that sound really strange when brought outside of cyberspace.
"It's Tux, isn't it?" He sounded like he was gasping. Or laughing. No facial expression to go by. "Justine (finally settled on the name Justine), why? I mean, how? I mean... oh man!"
How to explain? I mumbled, "I like him."
"Yeah, but c'mon, name on a screen. Words..."
"Nice words," I pointed out. "Words that get me through the next day." Words that could have been described as flirting when seen from the right perspective.
"Mm... ngeh. Uhhh." Was the dude whining? "I just feel (careful pause) that there should be more (another pause) between two people."
Of course. Trevor has all the answers. Always. "Well, he doesn't love me back!" I yelled into the phone. "You have nothing to worry about!" Why was I yelling?
"Just--"
I closed my eyes and held the phone away from me for a minute. I brought it back to my ear.
"Still there?"
Sniffle. "Yeah." I jabbed my notebook paper with a sharpened pencil several times.
"I'll come by tomorrow. We'll watch a movie or something."
"K."
"Justine... I love you."
I half-groaned half-sighed. "I love you too, Trev. I'm just in a mood."
"So tomorrow."
We agreed: tomorrow.
Trev... such a good friend.

* * *

"So this is where Starr magic happens, eh?" Trevor poked his head into my room. He turned his head one side then the next before proceeding. I'll give you no illusions: I am a slob. "Are you trying to hide Prince William in here?" He removed the blanket of my bed like a magician. He revealed a lumpy pillow.
I, on the other hand, was picking my nose. I took my finger out.
Trevor pretended not to notice.
The door of my room remains open when I have any visitors.
He made a clear spot on my bed and sat down.
"My William shrine," I joked when Trevor's eyes went to the poster of the prince and his shy smile taken in Balmoral. You know the one I'm talking about. It's the only William poster in existence, I believe. If there's another... tell me! Didn't get the calendar though.
Trevor walked up to it for a closer look. Around William's face connected by a pen-made circle were the words: Charles' son. Diana's son. Brother of Harry. Student of Eton. Friend. Third in line to the throne of England. Hormonally-charged teenage boy..... There's more to this boy than just being a prince. Trevor looked at me.
I wanted to crawl under my bed and hide. Unfortunately, there's no room under there. Clothes. Papers. Dust bunnies. Did I mention I am a slob? Maybe I can hide under the bed cover with the lumpy pillow.
Trevor went back to the wall. Underneath this poster are three smaller 8 and a half by 11 pictures. The picture of Prince William looking sideways at the camera while walking behind his mother's coffin. Question underneath read: What are you thinking, lad? The next one was of William shaking hands in Canada with a big smile on his face. The question: actually enjoying his role... or just an act? The next was a picture of Buck House and a big question mark over it in black marker. Will he or won't he? I asked below.
I dug my fingernails into my right thigh. What did Trevor think of me?
I walked up and covered the poster with my small hand. Er, yeah... that helps.
Trevor said, "If you spend as much time and effort on your studies as much as you do on the prince..."
I turned around. William is an escape. I think about his life so I won't have to think of mine. Trevor was making me think of mine.
"What did you get on your Statistics test?" Trevor asked.
I didn't answer, waiting for him to get the hint.
He patiently stood. Behind him William watched, also patient.
I crossed my arms over my chest. "I got a D."
Trevor said nothing but looked down on the floor.
Great Scot! Was he going to nag me about living up to my potential? What is potential anyway? Someone else's expectations of you... "Are we going out or not?" From the corner of my eye I could see William's huge poster face observing us.
Trevor took a moment. "We're going."
"Fine. Give me a few moments to change..." I took two shirts off the mountain pile from my bed and began to fold them. What the heck am I doing???
Trevor went out and I heard him turn on the TV in the living room.
"What are you looking at?" I asked poster-William.
William said nothing.
I kicked the door of my room shut.

* * *

Got a C on my next Statistics test and a B in the project Trevor helped me with. This did much in erasing that sighing look in his eyes whenever the topic of school came up.

* * *

We were making a birthday cake from scratch in Trevor's kitchen.
We already made the arrangement that after it was done he would wash the dishes and I'd dry.
"Separate eggs..." I read the recipe. I caught a look of myself in the oven door. Flour covered my entire right cheek.
"No problem." he cracked the egg and transferred the yolk back and forth between the two half-shells.
"Ugh! Is there nothing you can't do?" I groaned. Trevor, on the other hand, didn't even have flour on his "Kiss the Cook" apron.
He made me kiss him before we started. What a goofball.
The front door opened.
"Hi, Mom," Trev called, then resumed his concentration.
"Hello, dear. Just coming in to change." There was a red juice stain on her white blouse. She took off her suit jacket and drapped it over the back of the loveseat. "What's this?" She dipped her finger into the batter. "Good." She praised him. She smiled at me.
"Mom, this is Justine," Trevor introduced. He handed me the bowl and I stirred the contents with a wooden spoon. He had his arm around me. "She's my princess."
His mom laughed and went to her room to change.
We went back to cooking and later enjoyed the cake when his father arrived for the small party. Being the only one outside the nuclear family, I felt like the odd man out.
His princess? What did Trevor mean by that?

* * *

The comp was still on when I struggled to put my hair up. It was going to be a simple night out. Walking down cheesy tourist shops and eating at a restaurant when our feet got tired. A change of scenery from my house and Trev's.

Trevor knocked on the door. "Come in." I invited. He looked good in a suit gray suit and brown sweater. No tie. I sometimes wonder if his mom dresses him. So preppy. I went into the bathroom and rubbed hand cream on my palms. I heard the IM sound. "Can you get that?" I called out. I heard the typing of keys. I put on my dangling earrings on (silver flowers) and a sprayed a mist of perfume in front of me and walked into it. A pause. More typing.
"Hi," Trev grinned at me when I walked out. He looked over his shoulder, his arm propping himself against the computer desk.
"What did you do?" I asked, suspiciously.
"Nothing," he smiled sweetly.
I moved him to the side and read the screen.

TuxSuit82: :::fanfare::: Tis I.
Starrside: Not Starr.
Starrside: She's, uh, indisposed at the moment
TuxSuit82: Oh...
TuxSuit82: Then who's this?
Starrside: This is her boyfriend.
TuxSuit82: She never mentioned anything about having a boyfriend
Starrside: Well, I am

I looked at the words, horrified. I sat down to type.

Starrside: Hey, it's me
TuxSuit82: Who was that?
Starrside: Just Trevor.
Starrside: He was joking about the boyfriend part.

Trevor leaned over my shoulder and typed.

Starrside: I was not!

Laughing, I pushed Trev away. He kissed my cheek.

TuxSuit82: This is getting weird.
Starrside: We're just heading out.
TuxSuit82: A date?
Starrside: No. Not a date.

Trevor bent again.

Starrside: Yes a date
Starrside: Trevor stop!
Starrside: Stop what?
Starrside: That
Tuxsuit82: :-)

I fought Trev away from the computer onto the bed. (Hey. It was clean. Actually my whole room became a bit more organized after Trev started coming over.)

TuxSuit82: Silence...
TuxSuit82: Are you two doing anything X-rated?

"No!" I screamed as Trevor got away from me.
Trevor ran to the comp and sat down.

Starrside: Yes.
Starrside: We are ;-)

I panted, typing.

Starrside: No!!!!!!
Starrside: We're not
TuxSuit82: ha ha ha
TuxSuit82: I'll leave you alone.

His SN went off the Buddy List.

Trevor held his hands behind his back and gave me a sheepish grin.
What had gotten into him?
He opened the door to my room and I turned off the comp.
I'll try to explain myself to Tux later in an e-mail.

* * *

"At the very least he's European," Trevor told me, biting into a sandwich. (Does this guy ever get fat? Must workout... or he's just naturally blessed.)
"How'd you know?" I stirred my iced tea.
"Talked to him a bit," Trev shrugged. "What's the European symbol for boiling water etc." He was smiling. "I still can't forget that British poser who said that Trafalgar Square was across Buckingham!"
I stuck my tongue out at him and the conversation went to other matters. The cousin who was going to visit him next week and some problems he had with his parents.

* * *

TuxSuit82: I think it's cute
Starrside: What?
Starrside: It's as if he intruded on my private space
TuxSuit82: He's looking out for you
Starrside: I guess
TuxSuit82: I even venture to assume he likes you
Starrside: we get along okay
TuxSuit82: that's not what I meant

Pause.

Starrside: oh

I thought about it.

Starrside: Nooooo
TuxSuit82: he's a fine bloke for you
Starrside: hmph
Starrside: you're just saying that because you want me to get over my crush on you
TuxSuit82: you mean it's still there!
Starrside: =P
Starrside: you're a hard habit to break
TUxSuit82: If the bloke likes you at my convenience then I'm just lucky.
Starrside:In any case, you have his seal of approval that you're European
TuxSuit82: Thanks... I think

The whole proving thing was a bit of a sore spot between us. As you can see we avoid the point as much as possible.

Starrside: Well, Cheers
TuxSuit82: Cheers

* * *

We were in mid-conversation.

TuxSuit82: Damn!
TuxSuit82: phone call from my dad.
TuxDuit82: I have to take this.
TuxSuit82: Here. Talk to Ged
Starrside: okay...
TuxSuit82: Hello
Starrside: Ged, I presume
TuxSuit82: You presume correctly

Why did the name sound trigger something in me?

Starrside: Your last name wouldn't Fosters would it?
TuxSuit82: Actually, it is
TuxSuit82: Did Tux tell you that?
Starrside: No...
TuxSuit82: then that was a pretty good guess

No. It wasn't a guess.
I saw my reflection in the screen. My eyebrows had met in the middle of my forehead. I typed with stiff fingers.

Starrside: I'm going to give you half a screenname.
Starrside: You're going to give me the other half
TuxSuit82: Strange. But tux warned me that you were strange. All right.
Starrside: Gerd

I waited anxiously.

TuxSuit82: 079. Gerd079

My fingers froze above the keyboard. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. But there it was. I shook my head in disbelief.

TuxSuit82: Who is this?

I let out a breath. Stiff finger typing again.

Starrside: I'm going to give you the last half of an SN. Give me the first half.
TuxSuit82: All right. But afterwards you're going to HAVE to tell me who you are.
Starrside: Deal
TuxSuiit82: Then let's have it.
Starrside: Mary

Totally generic. He's not going to get it. Did I want him to?

TuxSuit82: Myztic
Starride: ****
TuxSuit82: Justine is this you?
Starrside: I can't believe it
TuxSuit82: what?
Starrside: this is so weird.
TuxSuit82: what?
Starrside: this is the first time any two Etonians I've known have known each other.
TuxSuit82: LOL
TuxSuit82: =)
TuxSuit82: Guess what?
TuxSuit82: Maybe we know William too

Grrr! How infuriating! I was smiling though.

Starrside: don't you start
TuxSuit82: Nice to see you again Justine.
TuxSuit82: Or is it wrong to say that?
TuxSuit82: As I recall we had a horrific fight as of last and we shouldn't even be talking to each other
Starrside: you called me a PW-stalker and an PW-friend-user
TuxSuit82: you called me a fake and a liar

It was a pretty heated arguement. And here we were recalling it with fondness. It was laughable.

Starrside: well, I was going through some junk with another guy

The night I erased my Myztic SN and vowed never to speak to Gerd again was the same night I fought with Tux for the first time. So long ago. Tux asked for me back. Gerd didn't. Then again, I didn't erase this SN.

TuxSuit82: Fair enough. I was going through some junk with another William fan. My goodness, what a leech. What a dracula. What a B----.
Starrside: lol
TuxSuit82: I guess we just met at a bad time

Pause.

TuxSuit82: Well, the honorable Tux has just returned. I'll leave you two. Cheers. I'll email you. We need to catch up.

We certainly did. I wonder how it was going with him and his sibling rivalry with his pre-fect brother.

TuxSuit82: Has Gerald charmed you away from me?

I didn't say anything. Ged had shown me a pic of him in his Eton uniform. Tux still hadn't. I still didn't know what he looked like. In the span of the time we've spoke he's exchanged faces from Ethan Hawke, Matt Damon and Ryan Phillippe. I didn't feel like pressuring him for one.

TuxSuit82: All right
TuxSuit82: Gerald is laughing his bum off
TuxSuit82: what's going on?
Starrside: What happened with your father?
TuxSuit82: You're evading the question
Starrside: so are you
TuxSuit82: I asked you first
Starrside: I asked you second.
TuxSuit82: All right.
TuxSuit82: Gerald's just rolled out of my bed and onto the floor.
TuxSuit82: WHAT HAPPENED?

Gerald didn't tell him.
Neither did I.
Maybe later.