New Year's Eve my time.

TuxSuit82: Happy New Year
Starrside: It's already been New Year's in London for how long?
Starrside: eight hours?
TuxSuit82: something like that
TuxSuit82: so how are you?
Starrside: okay
TuxSuit82: just okay?
TuxSuit82: why so glum?
Starrside: nothing. I just don't get a big jolt out of the holidays. I mean New Year's is just another day. The only thing difference is you should start learning how to write '99 instead of '98 at the end of dates.
TuxSuit82: sure. get technical and take the fun out of it
TuxSuit82: isn't there anything about New Year's you're happy about?

I thought about it.

Starrside: I'm glad i reached it with you
TuxSuit82: :-)
TuxSuit82: I'm glad about that too
TuxSuit82: I have to go
Starrside: Bye

TuxSuit82 is not currently signed on.

Chapter Six
Our first few conversations were still shaky. We had to get used to insulting each other again. It was the typical getting-to-know-you period, talking about anything and everything. From "What were you like when you were a kid?"

Starrside: I bet you were the naughty type
Starrside: sliding down staircase bannisters and stuff
TuxSuit82: I broke my share of the rules when I was young
Starrside: do you have any brothers or sisters?
TuxSuit82: I have a brother
Starrside: I have an older sister
Starrside: younger or older?
TuxSuit82: younger
Starrside: may i ask for his name?
TuxSuit82: harry

I looked at the name.

Starrside: you've got to be foolin' boy!
TuxSuit82: I'm not
Starrside: and I bet he's fourteen
TuxSuit82: why yes.
TuxSuit82: how did you guess?

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

TuxSuit82: what are you thinking about?

I glared at the computer screen. He knew darn well what was going through my prince drenched mind. But William was still a sensitive subject between us and I didn't want to take the risk of mentioning him.

Starrside: nothing
TuxSuit82: I have to go
Starrside: I'll see you again tomorrow?
TuxSuit82: Maybe
TuxSuit82: But don't wait if I'm not on
Starrside: okay.

TuxSuit82 is not currently signed on.

*          *          *

And then there were the "Have you ever..." conversations.

Starrside: one day I found a jar of peanut butter and decided to have a little fun with it
Starrside: i smeared it on my face as if it was a mud pack
TuxSuit82: thanks for telling me
TuxSuit82: last time I'll ever eat peanutbutter.
Starrside: I came down the stairs three hours later. totally forgetting what I had done and my dad was looking at me weird and asking: what's that gook on your face
TuxSuit82: and you told him
Starrside: i had to scraped some off my cheek and taste it before I managed to remember what I had done.
Starrside: i was all: PEANUT BUTTER!
TuxSuit82: ugh
Starrside: hey, it still tasted great
Starrside: Have you ever smeared peanut butter on your face.
TuxSuit82: I can't say I've ever enjoyed the experience.
Starrside: you're not really daring, are you?
TuxSuit82: I'm not allowed to be
TuxSuit82: and who said putting peanut butter on your face is daring?
TuxSuit82: :-)
Starrside: You're going to Eton on Monday, right?
TuxSuit82: (groan) school.
Starrside: I've got an idear
Starrside: why dont you and your friends stand on the table at dinner time. Hum Spanish tunes and shake pepper and salt shakers like they're moraccas.
Starrside: That would be kinda daring. =)

Hmmm, William standing on top of a table, dancing to a Spanish song, and shaking morracas...

TuxSuit82: You want us to look like idiots in front of school, don't you?
Starrside: =)
Starrside: if you can get away with it, why not?
TuxSuit82: I have to go
Starrside: Till next time
TuxSuit82: Bye
Starrside: take care

TuxSuit82 is not currently signed on.

I looked at the computer screen and sighed, feeling a great loss. I wouldn't be able to talk to him till next week. School was beginning. Chatting time will be limited to only weekends. And I was scraed. Would I be able to keep him as an online friend or will the lack of conversation time cause the relationship to shrivel up and end?

*          *          *

The next weekend.

Starrside: Augh!
TuxSuit82: I'm sorry the psychiatrist isn't in at the moment will you please wait outside?
TuxSuit82: :-)

I really love this guy. He knows me well enough to deduce that once I say the word "Augh" I'm going to vent. Other key word and phrases are "Grrr!" "Life suxx." and my personal favorite "men are scum."

TuxSuit82: what happened?
Starrside: I woke up late and missed the bus. I had to chase down THREE MAIN STREETS to get to the connecting bus!
TuxSuit82: but you made it?
Starrside: yeah, i made it.
Starrside: next day it rained and I didn't have my umbrella
TuxSuit82: :-(
TuxSuit82: and the third disaster is?
Starrside: what makes you think there's a third?
TuxSuit82: disasters come in threes.

I thought about this and came up with...

Starrside: well, there was this hottie on the bus today.
Starrside: And i didnt know what to say
Starrside: I guess I could consider that a disaster.
TuxSuit82: Aw. Starrside's got a crush
TuxSuit82: :-)
Starrside: =P

I replayed the misfortunes in my head. My thigh muscles still hurt from my unexpected run. Bet William never had to chase a bus...

Starrside: curse William's royal, lily white, CHAUFFEURED behind!!!!!
TuxSuit82: WHAT?!

Ooops! I mentioned William's name. First time since "the incident". Had I made a mistake?

TuxSuit82: Hmmm... no wonder he had trouble sitting down today.
Starrside: who? william?
TuxSuit82: yeah
Starrside: what happened?
TuxSuit82: let's just say that someone suggested we dance the macarena on top of the tables and we got caught, and there were paddlings...

They still did those inhuman tortures in boarding school?

Starrside: you're kidding?
Starrside: That's what really happened?
TuxSuit82: No
TuxSuit82: but you can think it did
TuxSuit82: ;-)
Starrside: tux?
TuxSuit82: yes?
Starrside: i love you
TuxSuit82: =P
Starrside: =P

We chatted for a long time that night. We had a week of catching up to do.

*          *          *

Here are some of our conversations where we're just being goofy:

Starrside: do you know what kind of a day I had?
Starrside: no don't answer that!
TuxSuit82: well, good evening to you too.
Starrside: At work we had no onion rings. We had no potatoes. We had no steak. The shake machine broke down. We had no large cups so I'm all "Do you want to supersize but with a regular size drink?" and that caused a lot of confusion. I had to chase a truck that passed the drive-thru down a block to give him his change! We ran out of ketchup packets. But that was at night time and I was home by then.

Long pause. Very long pause.

Starrside: Tux say something!
TuxSuit82: So, honey, bad day at work?
TuxSuit82: What's for dinner?
TuxSuit82: :-)
Starrside: Grrrrr!

He's all wacky like that!

*          *          *

Like I said, when school started we only conversed during the weekends. So one late Thursday night I was surprised to get an IM from him.

TuxSuit82: Hey!
Starrside: Tux!
Starrside: it must be five o'clock in the morning where you are!
TuxSuit82: six o'clock
TuxSuit82: and I'm in Eton

Hello!

TuxSuit82: getting ready to go to class
Starrside: you managed to get into a comp at Eton?
TuxSuit82: Oh, I have my ways...
TuxSuit82: I just came on to tell you I won't be able to talk to you this
weekend. I'll be going away. I just didn't want you to think I deserted you.

Hmmm, interesting. Didn't I read a magazine that said William and his buds were going somewhere for the weekend? Oh, don't be so silly, Starr!

TuxSuit82: I was about to send you e-mail but you came on.
Starrside: so you're going to risk disciplinary action to talk to moi?
TuxSuit82: My week's just not complete without a "hi" from Starrside :-)

Aw, wasn't that sweet? Now what movie did he yank that line out of?
Then something occured to me...

Starrside: Didn't you just say you're in Eton?
TuxSuit82: Yes.
Starrside: oh my!

I crossed my fingers.

Starrside: and are you wearing the Eton uniform?

(pause)

TuxSuit82: Yes.

I don't know how i kept myself from shrieking out loud.

Starrside: Ah!
Starrside: Tux do me a favor. Leave your uniform in front of the comp so I can drool.
Starrside: Go to your class in boxers.
TuxSuit82: LOL
TuxSuit82: Sure, Starr anything for you.

I became even more excited.

Starrside: Oh my! Girls at Eton inspiration strike.
TuxSuit82: You're going to make the girls run through the school in their underwear
Starrside: =P
Starrside: I would never degrade my gender that way.
Starrside: I'm going to make the guys do it
TuxSuit82: Of course, degrade the guys

I suddenly went into daydreaming mode. The Cring! Cring! Cring! of the IM (I hear laughing...Stop it. I'm improvising here!) brought my attention back to Tux.

TuxSuit82: I have to get to class.
TuxSuit82: Starr
TuxSuit82: Starrside?
Starrside: Hold on. I'm still thinking about William streaking through the Eton campus in only his boxers.
Starrside: With four of his friends of course. Who knows? One of them could be you!
TuxSuit82: Good-bye Starr.
Starrside: Wait.
Starrside: You're leaving the uniform, aren't you?

(pause) Boy, he really was going to be late for class.

TuxSuit82: Will you settle for a piece of pocket lint?

Pocket lint? From an Eton uniform? Oh yes!

Starrside: yes. yes. yes.
TuxSuit82: Okay. I'm placing it under the keyboard.
Starrside: you're so wonderful Tux.
TuxSuit82: you're nuts, Starr
Starrside: Good luck with school
TuxSuit82: au revoir, Starr
Starrside: taking up French, huh? Like William?

TuxSuit82 is not currently signed on.

*          *         *

And there were some serious moments.

TuxSuit82: hi
Starrside: what! no exclamation point?
Starrside: there must be something wrong
Starrside: =)

I meant it as a joke but when there was a long pause I became worried. Terribly worried.

Starrside: uh, wanna talk about it?

(another long pause)

TuxSuit82: if I could tell you I would.

Analyzing that...Deep breath for me. Must be something big. I knew I had to phrase my words carefully. VERY carefully.

Starrside: is there anything i can do?

(short pause)

TuxSuit82: stay on?
TuxSuit82: so i can see your SN and know you're there on the other side.
Starrside: I can do that

So I stayed on. For two hours I stayed on. With no interruption from Tux save the times where he asked:

TuxSuit82: Starr, are you still there?

To which I'd always reply:

Starrside: yes, tux, I'm here

I'd continue to wait.

I wasn't wasting my time on my end. I can't do absolutely nothing on my end for two hours. And Tux isn't someone who values idleness. I alternately surfed the net, glanced at my spanish and pre-cal homework, added a tidbit to one story or the other, the radio was on... But I was prepared to drop anything at Tux's word. If he needed to talk, instantly my entire attention would be focused on him and him alone.

TuxSuit82: Starr?
Starrside: Yes?
TuxSuit82: I need to go.
Starrside: okay
TuxSuit82: Thanks
Starrside: for what?
TuxSuit82: for being there for me
Starrside: no prob

TuxSuit82 is not currently signed on.

He's mysterious like that. Mysterious. A little bit sad maybe. But I can't really tell. Sigh.

*          *          *

And there were debates! (I love these) England vs. US ...

TuxSuit82: we have London
Starrside: we have New York
TuxSuit82: we have Shakespeare
Starrside: we have hemingway
TuxSuit82: Victoria's Secret!

Hmmm, female lingerie catalogs floating around Eton, huh?

Starrside: Fredericks =P
Starrside: Aha! Playboy magazine
Starrside: And Tux, after all is said and done... WE HAVE MCDONALDS!

There! Let's see him top those two!

TuxSuit82: Dear sweet Starr, after all that is said and done. WE HAVE YOUR PRINCE WILLIAM

Darn him. Of course he won that round. My Prince William? =) What can I say to that?

And there was the timeless Boys vs Girls debate. It started with, out of all things, me criticizing William.

Starrside: he has big feet.

Personal note to me: put this in the story about Harry.

TuxSuit82: what?
Starrside: and his nose is too big.
TuxSuit82: Starr!
Starrside: what? I can't rate him? Guys do it to girls.
Starrside: if they don't do it verbally with thier friends they're at least doing it mentally.
Starrside: don't even TRY to deny it!

(short pause)

Starrside: I've seen pics in Eton. A girl passes and all your heads turn simultaneously.
Starrside: and that look in your eyes?
Starrside: dead give away
Starrside: You're rating her!
TuxSuit82: but that's different. we're guys!

And it sort of went off from there. Hmmm... I wonder who won? Sorry, can't remember. Oh, let's just say i won. =)

*          *          *

And there was "singing"! Warning. This is a very frustrating activity. You start out with one line. And the other person does the line you wanted to write. And you both repeat the same line. You go nuts waiting for the other person because he/she decides to write the entire chorus! ONLY, and I repeat the term, ONLY do this with a guy you're absolutey sure he is going to IM you back. (and yes, Tux at this period in time was that guy). We tried this several times. First try: "Save Tonite". Didn't make it to my disappointment. Tux stole the line I wanted to print which was: "you and me and a bottle of wine..." (I'm still mad about it!). I think we tried a Beatles song but I couldn't remember most of the lines. He refused to sing anything by Nsync. He mentioned some British bands and I was all: WHO??? Finally, we succeeded with: "You Sexy Thing".

TuxSuit82: I believe in miracles...
Starrside: since you came along
TuxSuit82: you sexy thang!
TuxSuit82: :-)

On my end it was double pleasure because I was also imagining Tux doing the Full Monty. But we don't have to tell Mr. Brit-land that, do we? ;-) In the words of Baby Spice: Shhh!
Okay, so I have close to personified perfection in my cyberlife. In other words, I was having a terrific blast with this guy. He made me laugh. I guess he liked my company or otherwise he would've put me on ignore or something like that.
So we hooked up, got married, and lived happily ever after!
Sure... in the bizzarro world. But this is real life.
Alas!

Chapter Seven
I was thinking about Eton that day. Etonians. Hunky Etonians. Thinking about that sexy uniform (something about a man in uniform) which they all look good in. Especially Harry. Especially Harry! (Wait. Do I like the uniform or do I like the prince? In any case, the combination is EXPLOSIVE!) Wondering how they can stand being deprived of female companionship most of their pre-adult lives. What was wrong with them? Didn't they know that teenage years were spent -- well, they should be spent struggling through the mountain of homework cruel teachers pile on -- but for the most part the years are spent attracting members of the opposite sex. Did they know what it was like to wait for a girl outside her classroom? Did they know what it was like to look across a room at the person you're crushing on and have the teacher call them to pay attention? Did they know what its like to study with a girl in a half-controlled, half-panic mode? Maybe they do... Maybe they do. I thought about their British accents. I thought about how they sleep at night and... hmmm. Sorry. ;-) Impure thoughts. I thought about Etonians online. About how they must be slicker than anything not to get caught if they dared attempt to go online in school. I thought about Etonian impostors online and how they play with a girl's heart and a girl's emotions and a girl's dream...
Yeah, you louses! You're out there and you know who you are! I hope lightning strikes you and incinerates you on the spot and I pity the maggots who have to feed on the disintegrated state of your carcass!!! (One gets so passionate at times...)
I don't know much about Tux's and my convo that day except the end. The end of the convo when I was being some kind of wench. He was telling me about a party that took place at Eton. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to make him go through the "If you're in Eton; PROVE IT!" test. But, (stupidly) I did.

Starrside: Are you really in Eton?

(pause)

TuxSuit82: I already told you that I am
TuxSuit82: why?
Starrside: just wondering
TuxSuit82: why ask me now?
TuxSuit82: you just don't ask something like that out of the blue
TuxSuit82: something's wrong
TuxSuit82: I can tell

Things can be dangerous when a guy knows you this much.

TuxSuit82: Starr, tell me.

He knows I'm going to tell him. I tell him anything.

Starrside: there was this guy
TuxSuit82: and -
Starrside: I talked with him like, um, three times
Starrside: he said he was from Eton
Starrside: and it turns out he was just playing with me

(long pause)

TuxSuit82: and right now you're wondering if we're cut of the same cloth.
Starrside: sort of
TuxSuit82: Starr, I'm the real article.
TuxSuit82: you have to believe me
Starrside: that's what the other guy said

I was feeling uncomfortable. I don't know why.

TuxSuit82: what reason would I have to lie to you?
Starrside: for a laugh.
Starrside: that was his reason.
TuxSuit82: the joke would've gotten old a long time ago.

True. Pranksters usually want acknowledgement that they put one over on you. They can't keep the secret to themselves for long.

Starrside: at least admit you don't know Prince William because that's what's been bugging me the most.
TuxSuit82: I do know William!
Starrside: :::shrug:::
TuxSuit82: Look - I know you got hurt
TuxSuit82: but that's no reason to doubt me
TuxSuit82: have I EVER given you reason to doubt me?

Well, the way he acted at the end of our "date" was weird. I could still remember that. But that wasn't a reason to doubt his word. No. He never did give me a reason. And I guess I should've just left it at that.

Starrside: :::shrug:::

Mental picture: I saw a cliff. I was driving towards the cliff. A U-turn would be good right about now. But do I turn? Nooo... Drive for the edge! And another thing - I don't know how to drive! (Harry's going to have to teach me) Tux began sputtering information about the school. Very basic stuff. I smiled wryly on my side. But then he started telling me about ... stuff. You know - STUFF! Sigh. If he thought I never saw the sentences before he made a mistake. It ended with me covering my ears with my hands (odd, since I'm reading it, right?), with me biting my tongue so I won't cry (I hate crying), and with me typing with frustrated fingers: That's what he said. That's what he said (He doesn't deserve a name!) In my mind: The cliff! The cliff!

TuxSuit82: he knew that?
Starrside: yes
TuxSuit82: he's not supposed to
TuxSuit82: maybe he's an old Etonian
TuxSuit82: maybe he IS an Etonian and he's lying to you now
TuxSuit82: Starr, I don't know
TuxSuit82: I only know that I'm real
TuxSuit82: and I need you to believe me.

When someone doubts you....-it could pretty much - (wow! understatement!) it could pretty much ruin your day. At the very least a day. But that's me.
Why didn't I believe him then? His words were heart wrenching. But I could only look at his pleas and type in pure honesty.

Starrside: I don't know

(pause) He was angry. His anger crackled through cyberspace.

TuxSuit82: You know what?
TuxSuit82: Why would I go through so much trouble to disillusion you anyway?
TuxSuit82: It's not as if you're anyone important!

Car goes OVER cliff. Crash and burn!
I leapt out of my chair. All the emotion and rage that sentence provoked in me I compressed it in two words.

Starrside: that hurt

TuxSuit82 is not currently signed on.

I checked my buddy list. His name was enclosed in parenthesis.
The coward! Get your butt in here and talk to me! I thought as I looked at the screen.
A few seconds later.

TuxSuit82: It didn't come out the way I meant
TuxSuit82: sorry, comp kicked me off
Starrside: Yeah right!
Starrside: so
Starrside: what DID you mean?

Then you know what happened? MY darned comp froze! When I came back on Tux was gone. Damn! Hello? Are the fates just lining up against me tonight? After staring at the computer in disbelief for a couple more minutes I logged off. Damn! Damn! Damn!
That night. I stared at my ceiling. I felt sick. And I could point the finger at confusion and low self esteem. Was Tux truly an Etonian? The question I was really asking was: had Tux lied to me? And that sentence he had screamed out, echoed in me. You're not important... You're not important... It felt like a slap in the face.
UNFAIR!
My brain shouted the word so loud it shocked me up to sitting position. Unfair analogy! It told me. Tux would NEVER slap a girl. How did I know? I asked him, he told me, and I believed him. Then why, my brain reasoned, can you believe him when he tells you something so important about his character, but not believe him when he tells you something mandatory like where he goes to school? I believed him. So that was one negative feeling off my chest. Now for soothing a broken ego.
You're not important.
The first sentence Tux had typed to me was: who the heck do you think you are!
I lay back down on the bed and looked at the ceiling. My throat felt dry. I answered. "I'm nobody." It was a whisper.
I hugged my pillow. How many people are there in the world? Something over two billion? More? And I was just one? A grain of sand on the vast seashore? I was expendable. No one to miss. "I'm nobody." I said again. And with this destructive thought in my mind and a sick feeling in my stomach I fell into comfortless sleep.